


You Suck! No, You Suck!

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Birthday Smut, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Frottage, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Messy, Shameless Smut, cw alcohol, cw vom, truly do not know why I wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:54:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27082978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kurapika learns some new tricks from Leorio during his birthday party.
Relationships: Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight, Kurapika & Senritsu | Melody (Hunter X Hunter), Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 1
Kudos: 63





	You Suck! No, You Suck!

On Kurapika’s 19th birthday, he and Leorio got into a fight. They’d both had far too much to drink at the party Leorio had insisted on throwing, and now they were arguing loudly in the bathroom. Most of the partygoers tried to ignore the shouts about who, exactly, was being totally unreasonable, and which young man was embarrassing everyone, and how both of them wished you would just leave me the hell alone! An emitter from the crowd finally tossed up a nen barrier in a desperate attempt to block the noise. Kurapika noticed the silence instantly. “SEE! You idiot, you’re causing a scene and ruining your stupid party!”

  
“What the hell are you talking about now?”

“We can’t hear the party anymore, so I’m assuming someone stopped the sounds.” The blonde hiccuped sharply.

  
“Oh, whatever. I’M not causing a scene by MYSELF, AM I? HUH? You’re—you’re totally wasted, dummy, you yell and yell and tell me what to do and EVERYONE HATES IT!” Angry tears streamed down Leorio’s face. He always wound up crying when he was really drunk.

“I’m NOT THAT DRUNK!” Kurapika swung at Leorio and missed, stumbling forward. “You’re drunk too!”

“You’re gonna hurt yourself, you idiot! You’re the one who had to be AGAINST PARTIES and NO FUN AT ALL! And YOU pulled ME in here!”

“BECAUSE PARTIES ARE FRIVOLOUS!” The blonde was shrieking now, his words chopped to pieces by hiccups. “I didn’t WANT a party and you MADE ME COME HERE! And now LOOK!”

“I JUST WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE, YOU ASSHOLE! You’re so MEAN, Kurapika! I can’ever get anything right an an you HUMILIATE ME! You didn’t have to YELL at me in the MIDDLE OF THE ROOM! Why do you have to hate me so much?” Leorio slid to the floor, his long limbs clumsily folding between the sink and the bathtub. “I’m just trying to be a good friend,” he whimpered as he burst into sobs. Kurapika blinked as he looked down at him. The tile seemed to be spinning under his friend’s legs, and he felt himself leaning towards it. _Leorio has great legs_ blurred across his mind. _Huh_? “I don’t hate you, don’t be st-stupid,” he mumbled. “I don’t like attentions. On me. Party... hard. Miss home too much. Home...” His words slurred together as he sank to his knees, tears welling in his eyes. “I am so alone,” he whispered. The reason they’d been fighting seemed far away as he succumbed to the deep depression within him. He usually tried not to drink so much, at least not around anyone else. It made the rage he carried mutate back into its source: the unbearable sorrow in his heart. 

“Kurapika,” Leorio started, taken aback by the emotional rollercoaster before him. “Kurapika, I’m, didn’t know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” He lurched towards the blonde, embracing him in a clumsy hug. “You’re not alone, Kurapika. So so many people think you’re so so great and they all came to this party because they love you or whatever! You can always talk to me!”

“But I keep, keep getting older, what if I’m forgetting, them,” Kurapika sobbed into his bare shoulder. “Everyone’s gone and I should be too, I shouldn’t be, shouldn’t be still getting older.” Leorio held him tightly, rocking slight. “No, no, Kurapika, I want you to be here, we need you here, and they, they need you to get, finished, fix stealing. And remember.” He curled his body around his friend as they cried, trying to somehow protect him from the memories and the guilt. “You do good, Kurapika.”

Kurapika’s outburst eventually tapered off. He sniffled and opened his eyes, wiping away his tears. “Get off me,” he said gruffly.

“Sorry, sorry!” Leorio untangled himself too quickly and slammed his head against the sink. “YEEOWCH!” he yelped, ducking back and colliding with Kurapika’s face. The force knocked the blonde to the floor, but he managed to extract himself from his friend’s long limbs. “Dammit, Leorio, watch it!” Kurapika was blushing as he tried to smooth his clothes. _I wonder what it would be like to kiss him? Wow, I am really drunk.  
_ “I’m sorry! Shit! I keep fucking up!” Leorio rubbed both of his hands against his injured head. The two young men stared at each other, frowning.

“I... apologize. For acting like a jerk.” Kurapika finally mumbled. “Thank you for the party. I should try to enjoy it.”

“Ah, well, I forgive you,” Leorio replied, awkwardly running his hands through his hair. “It’s fine. I get it. But I do want you to have fun!” He stood up and reached out his hand, swaying as the alcohol rushed to his head. Kurapika took it and made it to his feet before drunkenly stumbling against Leorio’s unsteady body, tripping them both back to the floor. He was suddenly lying on top of Leorio, breathless and dizzy from the smell of his cologne and the feeling of his body underneath him. Leorio’s shirt had come off hours earlier, his tie hanging loosely across his bare chest. Kurapika’s lips parted but no sound came out.  
“Hey! Now who’s the clumsy one,” Leorio laughed, shoving his friend aside. Still, he didn’t stand up again, just lay facing Kurapika on the floor. _He’s pretty,_ he realized, _wait, what?_ Kurapika’s face was flushed with embarrassment. “S-sorry, I, uh, guess I am pretty drunk.” _I could kiss him right now I could just do it and then we’d be kissing and then... But he’s my friend, I can’t..._ His head spun as he stared at Leorio. He’d been trying to ignore his crush for the past two years, desperate to focus on his mission, his jobs, anything but the way his heart raced whenever he talked to his older friend. Kurapika had never had a crush before, as he’d avoided socializing as much as possible before falling in with Gon and Leorio during the exam. Until Leorio, he hadn’t considered love at all. It seemed irrelevant for a blacklist hunter motivated entirely by rage. It shocked him to learn that wanting to be with someone could be nearly as painful as wanting to destroy someone. _He’d freak out, he’s not gay, am I gay? I’m drunk. I like his face a lot._ He reached out and adjusted Leorio’s glasses with a shaky hand. “There you go,” he whispered. _Why is he still looking at me? Why did I have to touch him? Is the room moving?_ “Oh, thanks, Kurapika.” Leorio adjusted his glasses again but stayed on the floor, not quite sure why he wasn’t getting up. “Standing is hard,” he groaned.

“Um. Yes.” Kurapika couldn’t seem to speak at a normal volume. He didn’t want to move, to look away from his friend or stop listening to his breathing. “You, uh, your hair looks funny like this. I mean, it’s cute, uh, funny. Looking.” _Please stop talking! Oh my god I’m way too drunk to handle this._

“Well jeez, help a guy out! I can’t see it!” Leorio frantically mussed his dark hair, worsening its crazed appearance. “I’m too handsome to be funny looking!” Kurapika watched his own hand with fascination as it moved to his friend’s head and smoothed pieces of hair back into place. He could feel the warmth of Leorio’s head beneath the fuzzy mess of sweat and product. The moment seemed to be lasting forever. He marveled at the feeling of the other man’s hair slipping between his fingers, the playfully exasperated groan that turned into a pleased sigh as Leorio relaxed. _I could do it right now it would be so easy, just pull his head a little closer and find his mouth and I’ve never kissed anyone what am I thinking!_ “Uh, there. Better.” Kurapika reluctantly pulled his hand away, still struggling to breathe normally.  
“Great!” Leorio sat up. “Whoa, dizzy. Too drunk,” he whined, and flung his head against the wall dramatically. Kurapika giggled. “Too too drunk,” he hiccuped.  
Leorio turned his face to look at Kurapika. _Hm, pretty. Him pretty. I think he wants to kiss me. Maybe I should try it... Mmmnah, that’s just crazy._ “Are you as dizzy as I am?” he whispered, the words slurring together.  
“I—I dunno, how dizzy are you?”

“I’m pretty dizzy.”

“I guess I’m pretty dizzy too.”

“Yeah, you’re pretty.” Kurapika blinked. He felt his mouth fall open and his arms twitch but he seemed to be outside of his body watching the sensations. Leorio just grinned at him, completely oblivious. “Purakipa... purapika... Kurapika,” he giggled, “prettiest birthday boy in the world!” He grabbed his friend’s head and planted an exaggerated smooch atop his blonde hair. Kurapika’s body went rigid as he was scooped into a crushing hug, gasping shallow breaths as quietly as he could. “Leorio!”

This time, Kurapika managed to stumble backwards when he stood up. He fixed his eyes on the door. “We’re being terrible hosts.” Leorio just kept chuckling. “Come on, Leorio, this is your party!” The blonde shuffled nervously, hoping for a reason not to open the door. Everything looked a bit blurrier than usual. Leorio pulled himself up with a groan. “You’re right, you’re always right,” he grumbled. Kurapika stared at the doorknob and then whipped around. His eyes went everywhere but his friend as he took a deep breath. “You think I’m pretty?” he squeaked, pink creeping across his cheeks.

“Aww, of course! I’d have to be a moron not to think that.” Leorio towered over him, grinning. _Well, I don’t think I’ve noticed before._ “You’re the prettiest, shortest guy I’ve ever known, Kurapika!” The tall man draped his arms over his friend’s shoulders as he swayed slightly, giggling at the dramatic difference in their height. “So tiny,” he teased, “so angry at me, so totally wasted, so cute down there!”

Kurapika completely stopped breathing and then he was watching his hands shoot up between Leorio’s arms and grab Leorio’s hair and pull Leorio’s head down and _Leorio, Leorio, Leorio, I’m too far gone to resist._ Kurapika’s mind dropped back in his body as their mouths collided, the taller man still laughing as their lips met. Leorio’s eyes flew open. “Hnmmph?!” He stumbled backwards, staring at his friend in total shock. Kurapika’s face was bright red.

“Kur—“

“OKAY! Well, then—“

“Hey, wait—“ Kurapika slammed the door behind him and dashed into the kitchen, looking around wildly for anything else to drink. Someone appeared next to him yelling about birthday shots and he took two before stumbling his way around the party. Everyone was excited to see him, though about half of his friends and acquaintances were giving him odd looks as they wondered about the fighting they’d heard earlier. Melody pulled him aside. “Kurapika, are you okay? Your heart sounds so...” “Oh, pleathe,” he slurred, dropping to the ground and grinning up at her, “nobody’s scared of anybody.” He leaned back on his arms and tapped his feet goofily. “Is my birthday, I have fun.” His friend frowned. “I don’t think you’re having fun. I’ve never seen you this drunk—was your fight with Leorio really that bad?” “Drink like this all the time,” Kurapika smiled, “you just don’t know.” He scowled suddenly. “Leorio...” “Kurapika, tell me what happened, please.” Melody was disturbed by his admission that he drank in solitude, but she wasn’t entirely surprised. The kid was the only survivor of a genocide, after all.

“He’s stupid. He’s so hot, Melody.” Kurapika groaned loudly and flopped onto his back. “I like his stupid face a lot.” Melody rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know, Kurapika.” She crouched down, smiling gently at her friend. “I’m pretty sure he’s the only person here who doesn’t know that,” she whispered. The blonde turned his face towards her and she saw his mouth quivering, his eyes glistening. “He knows now,” he whined. “Because I’m an idiot.” “Oh, dear.”

Underneath the music, Melody could hear Leorio making his way across the party, asking everyone if they’d seen Kurapika. “Oh, Kurapika,” she sighed, brushing some of his hair away from his eyes. “Did you tell him? I thought you two were arguing.”

“No... yes... fight stupid. I kissed him.”

“WHAT?”

“‘n then I came here, because I didn’t think it through. Because I’m an idiot.” Melody wasn’t sure what to do. She could see Leorio now, so she watched him frantically moving partygoers aside as he searched for the kid berating himself in front of her. The moment the tall man spotted her she let out a squeak, nervously pulling on her hair as he bounded across the room. His glasses had slid almost all the way off his face, dividing his wild eyes from his emotional grimace. “MELODY! HELP!” he yelped.

Kurapika grabbed her hand. Her ears rung with his racing heartbeat, tempered only by the gentle concern she could hear under Leorio’s as he approached. “No,” Kurapika whispered, but Leorio was already there. “KURAPIKA! Oh, thank you thank you Melody, I was so worried, why did you just run off like that?!” He collapsed to his knees just as Kurapika scrambled to his feet, tripping over himself as he made a mad dash for the bathroom.

The younger man heard his friends calling after him. It seemed they were miles away. His knees fell to the tile and he heaved pure liquid in the general direction of the porcelain bowl, barely managing to steady himself on the rim. Waves of nausea overwhelmed his senses, his stomach clenching and leaping up his throat over and over. He finally fell to his side, shaking on the cold white floor. _What is wrong with me tonight? This is humiliating. I’m such a mess. Leorio..._ Leorio quietly pulled the door shut and sank to the floor, watching as his friend started crying. “Hey, Kurapika,” he whispered. “Hey.” Kurapika tried to shrink himself into nothing, silently wishing he could wake up from this nightmare. “Hey, buddy, here, have some water.” A broad hand reached towards Kurapika’s face, holding out a plastic cup. “Just take a deep breath.” The blonde couldn’t move. His thoughts were racing through desperate pleas to be left alone, the vile burn in his throat, how much he wanted to kiss his friend again. He finally managed to drag himself up and accept the water. He finished it slowly and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. The bathroom floor was suddenly quite fascinating. Looking at Leorio felt impossible. _Why did he have to come in here? Why did I drink so much?_ He tried to find words but all he could think was _Leorio, Leorio, Leorio._

“So...” Leorio started. He cleared his throat, afraid of saying the wrong thing. “Kurapika...” “I am better now, thank you. I’ve really had far too much to drink.” The blonde boy tried to stand, but his legs wouldn’t cooperate. “I should just go to bed.” He knocked mouthwash off of the sink and aggressively rinsed the horrible taste from his tongue. “Hey, it’s fine, everyone’s pretty wasted tonight. I don’t think you’re the first one who’s barfed.”

“I’m ruining your party,” Kurapika whispered.

Leorio chuckled softly. “It was supposed to be your party, man. Totally up to you how you wanted to spend it. Um... I want—“

“Thank you for the water, you can go now!” Kurapika’s voice came out as a squeak. “I’ll be fine! Go have fun!”

“Kurapika, stop. Can you please look at me?” A long leg reached across the floor and gently poked Kurapika’s legs. He pulled them closer to his chest. Blonde strips of hair chopped the room into pieces before his eyes. “Come on, Kurapika, I just wanna talk about it.” Leorio’s voice had dropped into the soft tones which first made Kurapika relearn emotions other than rage. Leorio wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to say, or what he wanted to hear, but he knew that his heart hadn’t stopped racing since they’d kissed. He sighed. _He never would’ve said anything if we weren’t so damn drunk. Now that I’m thinking about it, I kind of remember thinking he might have a crush on me when we were stuck at that weird hotel together. It was so funny how freaked out he was when I came out of the shower, but I figured he was just embarrassed because he’d really let his eyes linger. Wait, Kurapika’s gay? I’m too drunk to think any of this through._

Kurapika finally managed to speak. “Um. Okay. I’m... I apologize for doing that. I am very drunk tonight and I got confused. That’s all.” He still couldn’t look at Leorio.

“I wasn’t looking for an apology, Kurapika.” The blonde was startled. His head shot up and he stared at his friend, his jaw hanging loose. “I mean... we are really drunk. And we should really save this for the morning. But... I didn’t even know you were gay? If you are, I guess. Was... was that your first kiss?”

Kurapika’s face was on fire. “Dunno. Maybe.”

“You don’t know?” Leorio burst out laughing. “Okay, I’m gonna take that as a yes, then. Most people know if they’ve kissed anyone.” His laughter trailed into a bashful smirk. “Awww... Kurapika, I was your first kiss! That’s so cute!”

“Why are you so loud! Please, it’s—it’s nothing, let’s just forget it!”

Leorio grinned and waved his hand towards the door, sealing it with a sound barrier. “Alright, nobody can hear you. And, uh...” his face flushed pink. “I’m not sure I want to forget it just yet,” he whispered. _Our friendship... It’s not like he has feelings, right? This should be fine. I’m not doing anything wrong by just kissing him. It’s fun! We’re drunk and we’re friends, it doesn’t have to be a big deal._

Kurapika shook his head. “Don’t be an ass, Leorio. I’m not—I told you, I just got confused. It was an accident, really, and it’s fine. We’re friends. I’m not going—I’m not doing anything to change that.” _He’s just teasing, the horny bastard. Should I just go with it? I’m not even sure what... how this works? I couldn’t forgive myself if I make things weird. No, I know I can’t be casual about this. He means too much to me._

His friend crossed his arms and pouted. “Liar! You’re way too smart to get that confused. Besides...” His hand was in Kurapika’s hair before either of them knew what was happening, pulling his face closer. “This doesn’t seem like something you could do accidentally,” he murmured. Kurapika’s squeak of protest was lost inside Leorio’s mouth as they kissed again, the younger man’s body suddenly going completely limp as his friend’s tongue slipped between his lips. Leorio crouched over him, one hand gently cradling his head as Kurapika’s hands scrambled back into the wall. He moaned softly, letting his legs slide between Leorio’s knees. “Leorio...” he mumbled. His eyes flew open and a knee jerked up into the taller man’s rock-hard stomach. “Leorio!” He shrieked. “What—“ but their mouths crashed together again, his friend’s broad grin knocking against his own nervous teeth. Broad fingers worked one of his clenched fists open, slowly pulling his body towards the floor.

“Mmnph!!” Kurapika’s free hand flew up and slapped Leorio, hard. He panted as his friend recoiled. “OW! What the hell was that?” Leorio rubbed his cheek, pouting in confusion. “What the hell were you DOING?! I just told you we’re FRIENDS, dammit! And I didn’t—I didn’t mean to kiss you! I don’t know what came over me! I don’t want to kiss you! Shut up!” Leorio smirked. “Alright, if you insist.” He leaned back on his heels and brushed dust off his pants. “I don’t believe you at all, by the way. You totally love making out with me.” He hiccuped. “Whoops.”

“Will you cut it out already? I’m not even—I don’t know if I’m—just leave me alone!” Kurapika hissed. He pulled his knees back to his chest, trying to ignore the tears pricking at his eyes. “Stop being such a jerk, Leorio.”

“I’m not trying to be a jerk! I just thought kissing you was fun. I’m sorry, dude, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought you should have a better second kiss. It’s not every day that you’ll get to kiss someone as good-looking as me.” He leered drunkenly at his small friend, suppressing his laughter. “Whatever,” Kurapika grumbled. He shakily stood up, gripping the edge of the sink to steady himself. “You’re drunk, Leorio. I’m going to bed. Just forget it.”

“Hey, come on, I’m just teasing!”

“Well it’s not very funny!”

Leorio’s smile dropped as the blonde whipped around to face him. Kurapika’s eyes were watering and he just stood there, trembling. Leorio reached for his hand. “Oh... Kurapika, I—“ “STOP IT!” The younger man smacked his hand away. “It’s FINE! It’s NOTHING! GOOD NIGHT!” He turned to the door, but Leorio flung himself across the floor to hold it shut. Kurapika kicked him. “Kurapika, please don’t go, I’m sorry! I didn’t—I shouldn’t have teased you, I didn’t mean it, I just liked kissing you and I thought you liked it! It doesn’t have to be a big deal, please don’t be mad at me. We’re still friends, right?”

“Yeah, whatever. Just friends.” Kurapika stared at the floor. _I should get out of here before I do something really stupid. But what if this is my only chance?_ He glanced up at his friend, longing to fold himself under that lanky body and feel him laughing against his mouth again. _Stop it. I don’t have time for this. I have to focus on my life, on revenge. I can’t be standing around thinking about how good he looks naked. Why can’t I get these thoughts out of my head?_

“Just friends,” Leorio repeated. A strange sadness formed in his stomach. “You know, I wasn’t entirely teasing... if you ever want to, uh, kiss on purpose or anything, just, uh, let me know, I guess. Could be fun.” He rubbed his head, grinning sheepishly. _Please?_

The blonde man stared at him. “Why... How is any of this fun?,” he finally whispered.

His friend burst out laughing. “Well, if you’d let me show you,” he teased, “I’m sure you’d appreciate just how fun sex can be.”

“I—SEX?! WHO—WHAT—“ Kurapika shrieked, his whole body going numb.

“Well duh, kissing is like, part of sex, right?” Leorio was giggling, enjoying how flustered his friend was getting. “You’re cute when you’re blushing, Kurapika,” he purred. The boy’s face was almost the same shade of the scarlet eyes that ruled his life.

“S-shut up, you bastard, I told you to stop teasing me! This isn’t funny, okay! Fine! I’m gay! Great! I already know how you are, so it doesn’t matter, that’s why I’ve been ignoring this, you, you idiot, fuck! Stop messing around! Go out there and get the girl of the week, I don’t care, just cut it out!”

“Kurapika, I don’t want a girl. I want to kiss you again. You’re handsome.” Leorio pulled himself off the floor and stumbled over to rest a hand on the wall over his friend’s head. “I never said anything about not liking boys,” he whispered. “I just never really thought about it until tonight.”

“You—you’re drunk, Leorio, you’re just really drunk, and I’m here, and I made the mistake of kissing you, and, and,” Kurapika looked around for an escape but everything was Leorio’s body towering over him and his easy smile raining down on his head. “And I’m drunk, and this is—we’re supposed to be friends, I don’t—I don’t want you to just do—just decide to kiss me, I don’t know if I can do this, we’re both too drunk for this right now—“

Leorio smirked. “You wanna know what I think? I think that if we weren’t drunk, you never would’ve kissed me.”

“Yes, that’s my point!”

“And,” he continued, brushing a few blonde locks aside, “then I wouldn’t know how much I want to kiss you, and I’d never get the chance to find out whether I like you.”

“I’m not—this is why I don’t want to do this, Leorio.” A few hot tears slid across Kurapika’s cheeks. “You don’t, you’re just drunk, and I’m just here. You—you’ll fuck anything that moves.”

“That’s rude. I want to fuck you, Kurapika.”

“I—“ Kurapika was frozen. _Why is he saying these things? He doesn’t mean them. He’ll probably forget all of this in the morning. In that case, maybe I should... But I’ve never been with anyone, I don’t know how, I... want him to show me. No! Not like this._ “Please, Leorio, I really can’t do this.”

“Kurapika,” the tall man whispered, “what will you do if I kiss you right now?”

“I—“

But Leorio didn’t wait for the answer, just dove into discovering it himself. He lifted Kurapika's legs and pinned him to the wall as he sank their lips together. Kurapika squealed angrily but gave up the moment his head hit the door. His outrage faded into a soft whine somewhere between panic and desire. Panic won. His leg flailed into Leorio’s torso, kicking him halfway across the room. He found his footing and as Leorio opened his mouth to speak Kurapika made his decision and jumped into his arms, the force of the collision sending them both crashing to the floor. He kissed his friend aggressively, entranced by the feelings of their lips and tongues and teeth and skin all banging together. Leorio grinned against his mouth, meeting the kiss with equal force as he wrapped his arms around the blonde. They rolled across the floor, all of their confusion and desire and frustration flooding out into the kiss. Leorio groaned when his friend’s small hands grasped at his hair, completely ruining the earlier effort to settle it. Kurapika was on his back, pulling Leorio’s head down to his mouth as the taller man propped himself up with one arm. They both tasted like beer and sweat and vodka, though the younger man's tongue carried a hint of mouthwash.

Soft, high-pitched noises filled Leorio’s ears, sending his alcohol-soaked brain into overdrive. His right hand traveled down Kurapika’s back and settled at the waistband of his pants. _Kissing boys... why didn’t I ever think of this before_ , he marveled, feeling a familiar rush as blood drained from his head. He slid his hand under Kurapika’s shirt. The blonde gasped and jerked away. “Leorio, w-what are you—“

“Is this okay?” He asked softly. “I can stop, I just wanted to touch you. It’s kind of—what I would normally do, I guess.”

“Um. Normally.” Kurapika’s vision was blurry as his heart pounded. _Right, this is pretty normal for him. I’ve never even thought about what happens while two people kiss._ The warm hand rested between his rib cage and hip, gently pressing against his skin. “Um. G-go ahead, I, uh, don’t really know what people do?” he mumbled.

“Just do whatever comes to mind, dummy.” Leorio chuckled. “Your hands start to have minds of their own.” He trailed a finger up to Kurapika’s chest, gently floating it across a nipple before resting his palm on his friend’s ribcage. “Hey, Kurapika... can I show you something fun?” His eyebrows wiggled playfully.

“I’m—what—what is it?” Kurapika whispered. His stomach was doing flips again. Leorio grinned and kissed him gently, pulling away to trail a few light kisses down his neck. The blonde gasped quietly when he felt Leorio start to suck on his skin, letting out a tiny whimper as blood vessels popped open. He turned his head slightly to give him more access, but his friend nudged his shirt down to kiss his collarbones. Kurapika’s hands _did_ respond on their own. He was suddenly grasping Leorio’s head, another hand pressed against his warm chest. “I—Leorio,” he gasped. Leorio laughed and kissed him again so he just melted against his mouth, draping his hands loosely around his neck.

Kurapika blushed when Leorio leaned back to admire the bruise spreading across his neck. “I don’t get it,” he sputtered, “why did you do that?” Leorio shook his head as he cracked up. “Well, did you like it?”

“I’m—um, maybe. Yes.”

“That’s why! I thought you might have a fun reaction. I was right, you’re very cute.” He pecked his forehead quickly. “So, Kurapika... Are you having fun?”

Kurapika noticed his hand wrapped around the tip of Leorio’s tie. _Wow, my hands really do have a mind of their own._ He yanked hard, bringing Leorio crashing down on top of him for another intense kiss. “Yes,” he breathed as he gasped for air. His friend’s grin felt good so close to his skin.

Neither man said much for a few minutes, reluctant to pull themselves apart enough to speak. Leorio’s hands were under Kurapika’s shirt, holding him firmly as they rolled with the force of their kissing. The smaller man clung to his tie, his other hand shyly hovering at Leorio’s shoulders. He squeaked again when he felt a hand on his ass. “Leo—“ but a strong grip at the back of his head pulled him back in again. The roaming hand slid under his shirt again, tugging at it gently. He made a small noise as he lifted his arms over his shoulders to let his friend remove it. “Can you—wait a second,” he gasped, sitting up on his elbows. “I’m kind of, dizzy, I think.” A strange tension had entered his legs, and he suddenly became more aware of his lower body than he’d ever been. He’d been hard before, of course, but mostly from dreams and the random hormonal surges of adolescence. His face flushed as he glanced at the small tent between his legs. _We should stop here. I don’t really know what to do when this happens. But... he could show me..._ He shook his head slightly, trying to come back to reality. Leorio smiled at him and sat back, swaying from side to side. “I don’t want to rush you, sorry if I’m doing too much.”

“I—I don’t know... I’ve never...”

“Yeah, I know. Just tell me what you want to do. You’re the birthday boy, after all.” The tall boy giggled and poked his friend in the stomach. _I want to see the rest of him. I want to fuck him silly. I’m glad this is all new to him, he’s so damn cute, and I have no idea what I’m doing._

Kurapika’s ears were burning. “I’m not used to, um, to...” He glanced at his thighs again, trying to make his boner disappear. Leorio looked down quizzically. “Oh!,” he laughed, “Not used to being turned on?”

“I—if that’s what you call this. Yes.”

“If that’s—Kurapika, haven’t you ever had a boner before? Or are you just being shy?”

The blonde looked like he might pass out. “OF COURSE I HAVE, IDIOT! I just—not with another person, obviously! I don’t know—I don’t want you to feel weird?” Leorio laughed loudly. “Weird? I’m flattered. And I guess you didn’t notice, but I’m definitely enjoying this, too.” He leaned over Kurapika’s small body again, pressing their hips together as his friend sank nervously to his elbows. The tiny whimper of pleasure thrilled him. “So, Kurapika... Now I’m wondering what you do when you get turned on. Do you think about me? Someone else? It’s fun to imagine you wanking off.”

“What? What is that?,” Kurapika mumbled, genuinely confused. He’d always willfully ignored arousal, except for a small handful of times he’d ground against a pillow in desperate moments. One of those times had been back in that hotel, long after Leorio drifted off to sleep, the image of him stepping out of the shower stuck to the back of Kurapika’s eyelids. He’d been far too ashamed and freaked out by the act to figure out how it happened. He knew the science, of course, but he generally clung to facts to avoid any awareness of his own body.

Leorio laughed so hard he started crying, choking as he gasped for air. “What’s so fucking funny,” Kurapika hissed, kicking out at him again. “You—you really don’t know, do you?” Leorio wheezed. “Oh my god, Kurapika, were you even a teenager? How,” his roaring laughter kept interrupting him. “How the HELL have you NEVER masturbated?” He collapsed in a fit of giggles.

Kurapika tried in vain to disappear into the floor, wishing he hadn’t asked. “I—I just didn’t know that word, idiot,” he stammered.

“You’re a terrible liar, you know that?” Leorio teased from the floor, still guffawing. “I can’t BELIEVE you’ve never even touched yourself! Oh my god, that’s why you’re always wound so tight, isn’t it? Fuck, that’s HILARIOUS!”

Kurapika smashed his hands over his ears to drown out the laughter, kicking his friend repeatedly as the embarrassment burned holes in his brain. “Shut—the—hell—up—LEORIO!” He wailed, afraid he might start crying. _Of course I’ve touched myself. What kind of person does he think I am?_ Leorio managed to pull himself together just enough to trap Kurapika’s legs under an arm. “Okay, okay,” he wheezed, “I’m sorry, I’m—“ he snorted as he failed to contain more laughter. “No, really, Kurapika, I’m sorry, I’ll stop laughing, I promise, I just, I can’t believe you know everything about everything but don’t even know how to jack yourself off. I mean, really, it's like, my whole personality!” He wiped the tears from his eyes and took a few deep breaths in an effort to calm down. “What the hell do you do when you get a boner? Just will it away?”

“I—No! I mean. Yes? I don’t know! What the hell are you talking about, you idiot?” Kurapika’s eyes were fixed to Leorio’s abs rippling with each wave of laughter. He couldn’t understand why he was still hard.

“Kurapika, oh my god. Okay. Jacking off, wanking, masturbating, whatever, they all just mean when you touch yourself. Make yourself cum. Have you seriously never had an orgasm? Dude, that’s insane.”

“No! I mean of course I have! I mean, this is none of your business!”

Leorio sat up and ran a hand up Kurapika’s thigh, resting his broad palm unbearably close to his friend’s groin. “I think it’s my business when I’m the reason you’re hard,” he winked. Kurapika’s face could not have been redder.

“I—uh, why—what are you saying,” he whispered.

“Do you need me to show you what to do?” Leorio whispered back. Kurapika’s eyes widened in shock, but before he could respond, Leorio kissed him deeply, keeping one hand on his thigh while the other wove through his hair. Three knees knocked together as Leorio gently parted his legs, slowly pressing against him. “Mmmmphnhh ohhhhhh,” Kurapika gasped. His friend’s smile was so gentle he thought he would melt. “Kurapika, does that feel good?” “I—yes!” “Good.”

The kissing grew more intense as they found a slow rhythm between their hips. Kurapika sighed quietly as he felt warm hands moving around his body, pressed to the small of his back, trailing along his ribs, holding the bottom of his thigh. He squealed when Leorio pinched his ass. “HEY!” Leorio chuckled, “Nice butt.” A hand crept up his thigh and a thumb gently brushed against the hardness between his legs and he froze, flinging his head back into the tile floor.

“Oh, shit,” Leorio mumbled, “are you okay?” Kurapika rubbed his head as he sat up. “I—sorry, that kinda scared me? Um. Unexpected.” His friend smiled and rested his chin on Kurapika’s knees. “It’s okay, I should’ve said something. Do you want me to touch you, or should we stop?”

“I... I don’t know,” Kurapika whispered. “I don’t want you to go anywhere, but...” He swallowed. _Why is he looking at me like that? Didn’t he want this to be fun? It just seems sad and weird. I don’t think I was meant to be with anyone._ “Um.” “Hey, no rush, okay? I’m having fun just looking at you.”

Kurapika blushed. “How... can that be? I’m being... so weird,” he mumbled.

“Awww, no,” Leorio said, his eyes wide. “No, Kurapika, you’re not being weird! You’re just... Well, you’re just Kurapika! You’re such a sweetheart.” He took Kurapika’s cheek and gently kissed him. “I feel like I’m pushing you too far. Let’s just go back to the party, okay? We can hook up some other time.”

 _Oh my god, the party. Melody is here. Everyone I know is here, oh god, what the fuck was I thinking? What if Gon or Killua walked in? Oh my god. Wait, another time? Oh my god._ “T-the party,” Kurapika stammered. “Oh god.”

Leorio looked askance at him. “Uhhh, did you forget we’re at your birthday party?”

“Oh god. What if people are looking for me? Oh, shit, dammit Leorio, fuck—“ Kurapika tried to stand up but stumbled forwards, too drunk and too aroused to stay on his feet. His friend caught him and they collapsed in a pile of legs. “Whoa there, you’re pretty wasted, kid. Maybe we should stay in here after all.” Leorio grinned and kissed the top of his head.

“Why won’t it just go the fuck away?!” Kurapika yelled. “This is POINTLESS! I can’t—I can’t control any of this!”

Leorio laughed. “Well, if you don’t know how to jack off, and you won’t let me touch you, there’s not a lot you’ll be able to do if you stay in here with your super hot friend.” Kurapika glared at him. _He is incredibly attractive. I am very dizzy._ “Shut up,” he growled, pulling Leorio into an aggressive kiss.

“Mmph!” Leorio broke away. “So you do want my help?”

“I...” Kurapika’s whole body felt like it was on fire. The few sex acts he knew of raced through his head, but none of them were supposed to involve two men. He’d only had very basic sex education before his clan had been exterminated, and he’d been too deep in denial about being gay to do any research of his own. _Fuck it. I want whatever he wants. I just want him._ “Fuck it, yes,” he whispered. Leorio grinned. “Alright then.”

The taller man scooped the blonde into his arms and stood up, kissing him deeply. He stumbled drunkenly, slamming their bodies against the wall with a grunt. Kurapika’s legs were wrapped around his waist so he ground their hips together, earning a low moan. “Leorio...”

He grinned. “You don’t know how hot you are, do you?,” he murmured into the long blonde hair. Kurapika grabbed his head with both hands and kissed him hungrily. “This is fun,” he gasped. Leorio chuckled and moved down his neck, thrilled by every soft noise Kurapika made as he left a trail of hickeys.

“Hey, let’s lie down,” Leorio murmured, realizing how drunk he still was. “I’m gonna drop you if I’m not careful.”

“Okay.” And then they were on the floor, Leorio dragging his friend’s pants down and flinging them to a corner. Kurapika squeaked as their mouths slammed back together, moaning as a large hand slid up his thigh. “Hey, Kurapika,” Leorio grunted, “I’m gonna touch you now.” The smaller man inhaled sharply as he felt a finger trace down his shaft, cold air rushing beneath the final layer of cloth hiding his body. Leorio’s hand wrapped around him and he yelped, quickly biting the back of his hand as his hips bucked upwards. His friend chuckled gently and took his hand from his mouth, replacing it swiftly with his lips.

Kurapika’s mind simply exploded. Nothing existed except for Leorio, his mouth, his hands, his firm body pressing him to the floor. Noises he’d never heard before seemed to be erupting from his mouth and he pulled back, panting as he gazed up at his friend’s smiling face. “Feels good, right?,” Leorio teased. “Ah” was all Kurapika could manage. Leorio kissed his neck again, moving as slowly as he could to prolong the experience of his friend writhing beneath him. _This is so easy,_ he marveled, _I just have to do what I’d want for myself. Oh, but what I’d want..._ He glanced down at his hand, unsure if he could go through with giving someone a blow job.

Kurapika grabbed his face again and stared into his eyes. “Leorio, what do I do to you?” He whispered.

 _Oh, shit_ , Leorio thought. He scrambled out of his jeans and kissed the blonde man again, guiding one of his small hands to his throbbing hard on. “Just do what I’m doing,” he mumbled, kissing him again. “Like this?,” his friend whispered, blushing as he moved his hands. Leorio groaned. “Yes, exactly.”

He pulled Kurapika on top of him and lay back for a moment, appreciating the view as the smaller man concentrated hard on the task before him. “Here, Kurapika—I have an idea,” he breathed. “Take yours—like this—and mine—can you hold them? Then do both.” Kurapika’s eyes were huge as he stared down at their dicks rubbing together. “Um... I think my hands are too small,” he mumbled.

“Then just move your hips. Figure out what feels good for y-yooouuuuu ohhhh, fuck,” Leorio trailed off as the younger man took his advice, his head rolling back to the tile. “Is this okay?” Kurapika asked, pausing. Leorio grabbed his ass and moved it, growling, “Really fucking good, Kurapika.”

Kurapika braced himself on his friend’s broad chest, grinding his hips down with increasing speed. _Friction_ , he marveled. He looked up at Leorio’s chin, annoyed at the height difference. “I can’t kiss you from here,” he whined. Leorio instantly propped himself up and grabbed a fistful of hair to drag him into a passionate kiss, his own hips responding to the movement. “Kurapika,” he groaned, “I had other things I wanted to teach you, but I don’t know if you’ll last.” Kurapika grunted softly. “I know other things,” he muttered. _Well, I know how to do them in theory. I could use the practice._

He pushed the tall man back to the floor and slid down one of his legs, nervously kissing his neck, his chest, his firm stomach. Leorio looked down in shock. “Kurapika, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” “Mmhmm.” The blonde was entirely focused on the large cock swaying before him. _I remember it being big, but... I didn’t know they could be this big? I don’t know if I can do this._ He took a deep breath and stuck out his tongue, flicking the pink head lightly. Leorio held his breath. Kurapika dragged his tongue up the underside of his cock, gripping the base with his hand and gently stroking it.

“Kurapika, you don’t—oh, FUCK!” Leorio’s vague protests melted away as Kurapika’s mouth wrapped around him, only covering the first few inches. He ran a hand through the blonde hair, pulling it away from his face to make it easier. His friend glanced up at him with anxious eyes as he bobbed up and down, somehow in perfect rhythm with his hand. “Fuck, Kurapika, are you sure you’ve never done this before?”

“Mm-mm.” Kurapika tried to shake his head but took too much into his mouth and choked, sputtering as he pulled back. “Oh, no, I’m sorry!” he cried.

“Well don’t just stop—I mean, unless you want to—I want you to keep going.”

“Oh, okay.” Kurapika smiled shyly. “Am I doing it right? Is it okay?”

“Okay?” Leorio burst out laughing. “You’re adorable. You’re doing great.” Kurapika blushed and bent back down, nervously taking his friend into his mouth again. Hearing Leorio sigh with pleasure sent shivers down his spine. _I’m doing this to him. He’s turned on by me, and I’m... sucking his dick, which is really happening._ He especially liked the feeling of both of Leorio’s huge hands grasping at his hair. It took a lot of focus to keep his mouth open wide enough, but he managed to meet his hand halfway. His body seemed to already know what it had to do, so he gazed up at the man spread across the tile. _He’s so cute like this, it’s as if I have complete control over him. He was right. Sex is fun. I think this is sex? Does oral sex count? How am I getting distracted right now?_

“Kurapika.” The groan broke him out of his reverie. “Kurapika, you’re too good, I—“ Leorio gasped as he pushed up on his elbows. “I’m—going—to—is that—fuck, stop—“

“Hmmph?” Kurapika paused and looked up at him, a trail of saliva hanging from his lips. “Did I do something wrong?” He asked anxiously.

“No—I’m going to finish soon—do you want—“ The blonde laughed softly and dipped back down, eager to learn what that might feel like. “Ah, fuck, Kurapika—if—fuck—oh, God—“ Kurapika couldn’t breathe for a moment as Leorio thrust rapidly into his mouth, using fistfuls of his hair as handholds. He grunted with each sharp thrust, finally shouting Kurapika’s name as he came in his mouth. Kurapika choked immediately, snorting semen through his nose and letting huge globs drip out of his mouth. His face screwed up in a mix of disgust and arousal. He wiped his chin and licked his hand clean, swallowing as much as possible.

“Whoa,” he finally said, sitting back. Leorio sat up and stared at him, taking in his flushed, sticky cheeks and his bright eyes. “Holy shit, Kurapika, are you okay?” Kurapika grinned. “You were right! This is fun!” Leorio’s vision was going blurry as he struggled against the alcohol and the fading orgasm. He looked at his friend incredulously, bursting into laughter once he realized how serious he was. “I seriously can’t believe you’ve never done that before. You’re pretty fucking good at it.” Kurapika bounced lightly on his knees, blushing. “I liked it,” he announced, “We should do it again.” Leorio shook his head, still chuckling. “I’m guessing you don’t know this, but that’s not gonna happen for a while, especially given how completely sloshed I am.” “Huh?”

“One orgasm at a time, babe, that’s all we can really do with these things.” He wiggled his hips, letting his flaccid cock flop between his legs. Kurapika frowned. “Oh, I didn’t think... Umm, never mind!” _I didn’t mean right now, idiot._

Leorio leaned over to kiss him, dragging his naked body across the cold floor. “We still haven’t solved our original problem, you know,” he murmured, sliding his hand between Kurapika’s legs. The small man moaned eagerly into his mouth as he stroked him. “Lie down,” Leorio whispered, and he complied. Leorio began kissing down his neck, moving softly across his chest as it rose and fell rapidly. “Leorio, wait—“

“What’s wrong?”

“I—I’m not sure—I mean, you haven’t—“

“No, I’ve never sucked a dick before, but neither had you! It just seems fair.”

“That’s—ah, that’s absurd,” Kurapika gasped, finding it harder to focus with each careful stroke of his friend’s hand. “I don’t need—“

“Shut up, Kurapika,” Leorio growled, and took him in his mouth. The blonde shrieked, slamming his head against the sink. “L-Leorio,” he stammered, but his friend just kept going. Leorio was breathing hard through his nose. _This is crazy, I can’t believe I’m doing this._ He glanced up to see Kurapika leaning on his elbows, panting as he looked down at him with unfocused eyes. Leorio laughed slightly, knowing the vibration would drive him crazy. The blonde moaned loudly. _I bet I can take more_ , Leorio thought, _this is easier than it looks_! He inhaled deeply and managed to bury his nose in the small pile of soft blonde hair at the base of Kurapika’s shaft.

“Oh, FUCK, LEORIO!” the smaller man exclaimed, grabbing a fistful of black hair as his hips bucked into his friend’s mouth. Leorio tried to hold still, knowing Kurapika had to be close. As he glanced up, he saw those eyes roll back and he held his breath and then Kurapika shuddered and Leorio was gulping what felt like creamy jets of lava. _I was not expecting to like this so much... Maybe I am less straight than I thought._ He pulled back, smiling down at his friend’s limp body. Kurapika’s eyes were huge, but he barely seemed conscious as Leorio reached past him for the crumpled plastic cup. The loud sound of Leorio gargling brought him back to reality.

Kurapika tilted his head slightly, gazing up at his friend in awe. _That was... probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Wow. He is just... beautiful. How can he look so good drinking water?_ “I...” he started, unsure what he wanted to say. Leorio passed him the water with a wink. “How ya feelin, babe?”

Kurapika’s hands trembled as he sat up and drank. _“Babe?” Babe. I’m babe. What?!_ “I’m not a baby,” he sputtered. _Why did I say that?!_ “Wait, I mean—“

Leorio just laughed and kissed him again. “Alright, hot stuff, take it easy. You look like your brain is on fire.”

“Oh.” _“Hot stuff”? Does he think I’m hot?_ “I—yes. I am finding it difficult to speak.” _Great, I sound like a robot._ The tall man grinned at him. “That makes sense. Nineteen years of pent-up horniness just fucking exploded in my mouth, dude, I’m surprised you can sit up right now!”

“I already told you, I’ve—done that, before, just—not like this!” Kurapika glared at him, his face flushed. “It’s—more like two years,” he muttered, wishing he could stop talking. Leorio waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Oho, two years?” He feigned a thoughtful expression, resting his chin in his hand. “I wonder... did something happen two years ago to get Kurapika all hot and bothered? OOF!” He received a swift kick in the stomach. “I’m so flattered!” Another heel connected with his ribs as he laughed. “YOU BASTARD! FORGET THAT NOW!” Kurapika was suddenly struck by the fact that he was naked, and he scrambled for his clothes, tugging them on as quickly as possible. “I DIDN’T—I MEANT THREE! THREE YEARS!” Leorio was completely losing it, rolling on the floor in hysterics. “PLEASE tell me more, I’m begging! When was this? Did you sneak away on the airship? No—oh my god, at that hotel? HA! I knew it!”

Kurapika punched him in the face, realizing immediately that he’d used too much strength as Leorio’s lip split open. “Oh, fuck—“

“Jeez, owwww! That’s not very nice. I did just suck you off, after all.”

“If you don’t shut the hell up—I shouldn’t have hit you, but I will do it again if I have to.”

“Alright, alright, I’m just teasing. Sheesh, you need to lighten up. Wait, Kurapika—come back here a second.”

Kurapika crossed his arms. “What do you want now?” Leorio stood up and pulled his friend into a hug, kissing the top of his head gently. “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know why I wrote this or what’s wrong with me but it exists now


End file.
